Biblical Steps for Lasting Heart Change 

“Pastor, can I ask a minute of your time? I have a personal issue that I need help with.” 

“Grab a seat.” Who was he? He had a trendy beard and piercing gray eyes. Where have I seen him before?

“I’m Abe. I have been attending service for the last few weeks.” 

Ahh. That’s it. Abe dropped himself into the worn-out second-hand chair. He studied his shoes like they were the issue. 

“You see, my wife is confused and angry. She has been giving me the silent treatment for a week. All I could get out of her was that she was mad because I lied to her. I know I exaggerate and cut corners, but really, it is only words. Everyone does it. What is her problem? I hate this! Help me.” 

What should he do? What did he do? Does Abe really want to change? How does anyone kick habits of sin? How do we, pastors, counsel? Should we counsel? Offering spiritual care is part of the job. Although we aren’t psychiatrists, we are fellow sinners seeking to follow our Savior with a call to lead people. Our ministry is about discipleship and involves spiritual triage. We have the Word, prayer, and the gift of listening to offer those who come knocking. 

Where do we go with a person who asks for help? Where do we start? Obviously, we need to gather information. After that, what should we cover? Below are six biblical steps for lasting heart change that have been useful to me over the years as a pastor and counselor. It isn’t rocket science, but it’s a reminder of what we, as pastors, have to offer. 

FAITH

Faith is a good place to start. Abe needs the truth of Scripture. Those we care for need to believe in a God who loves people so much that he died to make them his followers. He died to forgive sin and empower right living. We proclaim that. What are those who come to us believing about God? If God can save us, he can change us. Our people need to hear the good news about Jesus. Remind them of a God who created all things and upholds the world by the word of his power. Remind them that God is good and gives good things to his children. His love propels change (2 Corinthians 5:14). One reason people sin is that they exchange the truth for a lie. It is vital that we bring people back to the fundamentals of the faith. 

CONFESSION

Second, Abe needs to really confess his sin (James 5:16). Confession is an acknowledgement or agreement with reality. It is not making excuses, explaining away, or minimizing; it is taking responsibility. It is living in humility and the light. In Abe’s life, we could ask what he specifically said. Why did he say it? What was going on inside his heart? How else does such lying manifest in his life? Does he see how he is not just disappointing his wife, but his Savior? Confession is like extracting the venom of sin from one’s veins.

REPENTANCE

Third, Abe needs to repent. We need to invite those who struggle to repent, to change, to move from word to action (Matthew 4:17). The Bible talks about putting off the old self and fleshly ways, and putting on the new self and living according to the Spirit. If Abe struggles with lying, he needs to start being honest with himself and others. We can help our people identify practical ways to repent.

COMMUNITY

Fourth, Abe needs community. We do well to call people to share their burdens with others besides their pastor. No one can fight sin alone. John Piper has said that sanctification is a community project. We are on this spiritual journey together. Who else in their life can help them battle sin? Isolation is dangerous (Proverbs 18:1). In community, people can relate to one another and help each other keep believing, confessing, and repenting.

SERVICE 

Fifth, if Abe continues to meet with us and wants to grow, we can explore God’s call to a life of service. Whatever the root of his lying may be, God made him for good works. God calls Abe to love God and people. What would it look like to shift his gaze from trying to fix his situation to loving others? Not to ignore the inner work, but to focus on a vision for life of service for the Lord. 

WORSHIP

Finally, we can call people, like Abe, to worship (Colossians 3:17). People are either worshipping themselves, something created, or God. God made us for the purpose of worshipping him. What does it look like to honor him in our speech and life? How is the person sitting in our office worshipping?

These are six areas to explore when counseling people seeking spiritual change. I originally compiled this list for a book published last year on honesty. If you want to explore that topic, I invite you to check out Being Honest in a World of Lies via my affiliate link. 

Ultimately, ministry is very complex and demanding. We need God’s help every day. Thank you for serving the Lord in ministry. We are better together.

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